batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
