so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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