I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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