look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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