If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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