No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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