I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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