You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
