By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
