I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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