Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
