the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
