I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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