Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
