is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just puked most of my soul out..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
