his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i came on her dog
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
