Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
