I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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