if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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