3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Can Purell be used as lube?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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