that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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