i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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