Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
