I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Alive.
So much puke
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
