Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
