Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
