There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
