she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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