oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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