Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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