I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
