I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
