god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
