just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
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