1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
