I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
