Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
