You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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