He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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