You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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