I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
