You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
