Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
