I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
