They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
