we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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