I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
