had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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