Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
it's like iHOP with fire
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
