I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
