I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
