Whod you bang
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
